The feeling that haven't found out now

Today I tell some story to my mother,
About last year how I felt bad...
when I started,I feel nothing,just remind me that I have part of that life in my memories,
But after I still in half part,
It wasn't the good part,
And I heard a music play by violet,
My eyes start pour out tears,
I just don't know why!
I already told myself I would never cry for this ridiculous subject anymore,
But why I am still...?
Why can't I let it go?
After I stop crying,I went to the stereo and hit the next button,
And I reach to toilet's mirror,look in myself and I told myself everything will be fine,
Don't I care about the past,care for present,don't worrying the future now,
Everything will be fine,no more fight...
And no one is using me any more...
I feeling more freedom now,
No more (symt) no more (GT4),
Before form 4,I had the friendship that didn't trust in their friend,
Using their friend,I didn't understand what's the meaning of "using",
I thought was support and depends on each other,
Example of I'm ill,I want my friend to help me do something at school,
Now I think of course they will tell other friends that I like to use friends,
When they copying my answers in examination,I thought that was helping each other only,
But when my sister recognize I gave away my answers to my friend,
She scold me that they are using me,
Because giving answer to others only me,and she asked me why I donated marks to others,
I just said the question I ask them,they also don't know,so no used I get answer from them...my sister just sigh and turn away...
Am I wrong?I thought I wasn't...
But I was wrong...
After they found out my best friend's result was better,
They start abondon me...
I tried to tell my friend that they are using me and now is you,
She told me they treated her well,
They just wanted to pass in their exam,
And hoping that don't I continue say their gossip...
Well I know that's not gossip,coz I been through it,so I know...
She just saying nothing...
Till that,
Best friend is no more for us...
I met 3 friends in form 2,+me=4 ppl,
We separated to 2 groups when form 3,
And alpha group joined with two more friend,
Me and my best friend are the beta group,we also joined in new friend,
But form 4 we all have fight with each other...
4 person separated to 4 different class...
My mum ask me,
How am I now?in present...
I said freedom,more happy than past,
She ask me again,
What's the different?
Got friends talk to me anytime,and some special feeling that I don't know how to say,
My mum told that not I can't let go the past,and also my x-best friend,
Is just some thing I haven't discover in my new friendship,want me don't be so rush,because the time we will be together,will be more...
The happy tears came out this time,I smile and have dinner with my mum...
Thx mum,I feel better now...
And thx to members of secret5recipe...

Timberland